Ambien. No doubt about it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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