I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I should be sponsored by Trojan
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
