When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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