I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
