I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
