i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
