Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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