Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
