For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will be naked everywhere
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
