my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
