I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
