good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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