She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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