I puked a lego.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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