ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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