i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
