i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
