I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
