Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
