You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
