I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
