I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
