too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
