don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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