You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you never un-have a 4some
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
