I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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