I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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