God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
