smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
