First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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