Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
