do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
