Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
false alarm. still invincible.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
