Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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