she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
