The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
