Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
