when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
