You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
