1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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