i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
