I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
