Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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