The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
