And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
