Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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