Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
