May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
