Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
