I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
