If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
