This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
