i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
