When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
