oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
two words: eviction party
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
