When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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