Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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