i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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