So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My balls are so social today.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
