They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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