seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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