no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
