I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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