Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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